(the misadventures of an expatriate corporate dropout)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

still trying to figure it all out. alfie.


a respite from the this happened today-garden-variety post. maybe the change in seasons makes us more contemplative ... dunno.

today I'm appreciating the flowers my monsieur, Jean-Yves, spontaneously bought me yesterday. and relishing our continued relationship ...

if anyone would have told me a couple of years ago that I would be living a french life, I would have scoffed. and yet here I am. and now that I am here, I am trying to determine just what this life should be ... or more about what it means and where it is headed. for while I am doing so much better at living in the moment, I also want to understand what the moments add up to.

I've got some new friends and a new, decrepit house. I am in love and yet still alone. I don't have to mount the corporate treadmill daily and yet am afraid if it returns to that. I live in a beautiful country, a beautiful region and am learning a beautiful new language. My health has improved with this move and despite my age. In so many ways, I feel better about myself than ever before. Some days I think I know where my compass points and others, not so sure.

I have launched new pursuits and am contemplating others. But I've sacrificed some perceived securities for these endeavors and am uncertain how the coming years will support me.

I find that most days I am the cheerleader. For me. for those I love. and for new friends. I've discovered that more things are the same than are different here. But those differences are huge and lean more towards my esprit de corps than in the U.S.

in some ways, my adventure is shared. in many ways, it is unveiled in solitude.

well. life is but the search. the longing for. the gnawing in our center that spurs us on towards the undiscovered.

just keep showing up, Kim ...

7 comments:

Michelle said...

It is hard to know what to say to a post like this. But, it seems right, somehow, to acknowledge that I read it.

keep showing up.
xo

Randal Graves said...

Just remember, the 9-5 is a soul sucker. You're free (even if your wallet is lighter).

softinthehead said...

I must agree with Rupert's comment. I am very envious, I cannot wait to being my French adverture, courage, mon amie!

amy said...

Is it banal to say "I hear you"?! PS how `bout a trip to Perigueux soon?

Meg said...

Life is a journey, right? What better place to blaze the trail?....

Kathleen said...

Your post reminded me of the day after New Years.. as a child there was also such a big build up to Christmas and then the week in between and then parties for New Years and then the day after... was just such a let down. And, year after year even though I knew it would happen and tried to prep myself for it, still.. it depressed me. Life is funny that way... it really doesn't occur on such a grand scale.. just lots of unique moments one after another. There is a part of me that so wishes you could be having these experiences with a partner.. but then again, there is so much to learn, get, experience, etc. when you do it on our own. Hang in there... this to shall pass into something else.

Cynthia said...

I worry about how I'm going to survive and even thrive financially in the future once my U.S. contracts. My French husband can't afford to support me and we have lots of travel plans that require funding. But like you, I know Im smart and hard working and creative and tenacious and I'll come up with something. From reading your blog I know you will also find a way because you have those same qualities and then some. Keep searching...Cynthia