roller-COASTER!

my life is like ... a rollercoaster, baby baby. my life is like ... oo, ooh, oo oo!

you'll have to do with that since I couldn't find the play-a-vision button and none of you ever watch those YouTube videos, now do you? DO you? (just in case, I might throw one in here...)

so. I have had a hell of a few weeks. I've been up and down and over and out ... and I know one thing! (yes I guess this is a musically influenced post, it is shaping up that way...) (( in fact, my writing has always been that way. I sit down and see what transpires, just run with it. that applies to non-fiction and fiction equally! no wonder there have been so many times when I've totally lost the plot ... hmmm .... ))

but anyway. each time I find myself laying ... flat on my face ... I pick myself up and get - back in the race!!! that's MY life. My motto has always been, 'keep showing up'. sometimes it takes me a spell longer than others.

I also confess that I can overreact. every twist, every turn seems so life-altering. this I think is due to my severe case of arrested development. you know how WE know so many teenagers do really stupid shit like kill themselves because they think that life will not evolve? that this is THE most important thing that will ever occur, and they just cannot go on.

well, I've had a touch of that all my life. part of it is because so much really awful shit happened to me before the age of 21 and I think it imprinted me for life. I mean, like all those impressions of bad things and bad people led me to expect rinse and repeat ... and probably those expectations helped me attract that reality.

ok, enough with channeling dr. phil

for once in my f'g life ... some ups and downs have not led to my expected finality. they have just been ups and downs. but a fun, gut wrenching ride.

We have amended our plan for a full on restaurant to capitalize on everything we have completed thus far and incorporate some of the temporary projects we were considering. So, we are looking to have a really cool atelier with a salon du thé and bijouterie (jewelry, accessories, gifts). There is considerably less red tape with this approach, we don't have to do a full kitchen etc. and have all the materials pretty much ready to stage. Maybe a week or 2 of work to finish the space and we can probably be open by the end of June.

This means (hopefully) a small income stream that can build ... and we can then complete the restaurant plans in winter and open that in Spring!

So it wasn't a flake out. And how insulting of me to have even gone there, given everything that Jean Yves has done for me and with me to date. I wish I could find the way to purge myself of my dubious past .... sigh.

but I'm back in the queue for my next ride! bring it on, life, bring it ON!