one year ago, today ...

I arrived in France...

Two suitcases, packed to the gills. Two dogs, in kennel crates. One carry-on bag. Two shoulder-fulls of stress, à la U.S. Filled with excitement, fear, trepidation ... and a big dose of 'what's it all about, Alfie' ...

I thought it would be fun and good timing to pause for the cause, and take stock ... where I can find a picture ... I'll let it help tell the story.

First, let's start with me ... my physical transformation ... this one's kind of hard to do in pictures because I've spent many years avoiding them, hating them, destroying them! let's face it ... I wasn't morbidly obese but I was...um, I prefer the french version ... "ronde". I've misplaced about 30 kilos since coming here and that is one lost item I'm not looking to find. ever. but in the spirit of documentation ... here's a couple of before (I had perfected the fine art of posing holding something ... a purse, a coat, my breath ... ha ... or hiding behind someone or something to block much of what was me ...



and after...full body shots are hard because most of my photos are taken by me! you'll just have to make do here (but hell I even found and threw in a 2 second video JY made of me recently ... I'm puttin' it ALL out there, folks!):







Next up, my abode ... the house project ... now on surface, I've only gotten 2 rooms 'done'. My bedroom and my salle à vivre ... but that is deceiving for many reasons. My second bedroom was scrubbed top to bottom and is functional for guests. The escalier is about 1/2 done, awaiting final plastering touches and painting (winter project). The radiators/heat have been repaired and are functioning ... a MAJOR step for the cold winter. I have a new water heater and washing machine installed. Electricity is not awful ... but more awaits. The attic has been cleaned and fully insulated. Jean Yves insisted we attack things in a 'must needs' manner ... being warm for the winter, having the basics (water, heat, safe lighting) in play. as opposed to my decorative views... replacing cracked windows.... I remember having him measure the atelier window panes his first day here and his looking at me skeptically...






anyhoo ... when I first arrived I slept here ... (2nd bedroom) while I awaited delivery of my household goods, which included a bed!




I set up shop in this room because MY bedroom-to-be looked like this:


The wallboard and ceiling were moisture damaged, with mildew and other nastiness permeating. All of that had to be ripped out, replaced or refinished ... Jean-Yves deconstructed, I hauled and sorted the crap and our partnership commenced. At first he was dubious when I stated I wanted to be part of the labor force and the renovation project. But as he observed me willing to tackle each chore, he gradually became more open to teaching me how to do certain things beyond manual labor...especially with our business project (where we strive for as much of a 50/50 distribution of effort as possible)...and the physical labor has aided in my personal transformation. Nothing like manual labor and no kitchen to aid in body changes...

Back to my bedroom. Jean-Yves sandblasted the entire thing, I cleaned-up after. He plastered and painted and created ... check out the fireplace mantel for evidence ... et voila!





And of course, the beautiful gift my daughter Johnelle gave me ... up there at the top ... my handpainted door symbolizing my new life!

On to the 2nd room ... my 'salle à vivre' ...

When I got here, this is where I cooked, ate and perched ... amidst peeling paint, grunge and dust...and thankful for it, since I didn't have appliances yet. Jean-Yves, friend and 'mec' extraordinaire lent me his camp burner and mattelasse (pictured above in my original sleeping area) ... in order to help me save on exorbitant lodging expense while I had a perfectly good roof and walls to shelter me ...



This was the room I used because it is where the former owners had their kitchen. But it was smaller and darker than I wanted a kitchen to be ... so I decided to relocate it to the other room. Here It is before:





:





























2 months and piles of sand and stone and dust and paint later, here is my salle à vivre, after...







These projects wrapped up in February and we were able to have some respite with a trip to Africa and ensuing adventures(!) that's my view from the back of our motorcycle.....



































upon our return, we dug in to our next project ... transforming the ateliér adjacent to my house into a business that will bring in some small income and (we hope) big pleasure as we continue to work together... The transformation of this space has been documented on flickr.com, step-by-step. We've repaired immense windows, sandblasted and remortared stone walls, insulated, installed ceilings and new floor treatments ... and are set to open within the week! Yes, we've had twists and turns (all told here) ... but it is another chapter in my new life here and going forward.

Other details ...I've wended my way through French bureaucracy and have received new residency status as a 'commercant' as opposed to 'visiteur'. This entitles me to operate my own business, pay into the French retirement system and, best of all, qualify for a carte vitale (french health care coverage!!). I've wrestled 2 gardens into some form of recalcitrant submission, and planted a large potager, just beginning to profit from those efforts.



I've probably missed a milestone or 2 here ... in fact, if any of you readers have observations to share...either on my journey or changes you've detected, please share ... I'd love to hear that perspective!



and of course. Mais oui, bien sur. None of it, not a SHRED, would have been the same ... sans mon monsieur. words fail me (can you believe it?)


In the early months, I felt my stress shed along with the pounds. A new me continues to emerge ... not all of my ducks are in a row...but they're definitely paddling around in the pond ... finding their way and maybe even beginning to figure what it IS all about, Alfie ...

For me, it is about treasuring each moment of each day ... surrendering to the bigger IT I am a part of but which I have no control over. Learning to love unconditionally, regardless if it is returned, reciprocated, equal, recognized or otherwise different than what I have to give. Recognizing that each day's small pleasure or hard work is reward enough, in of itself. Knowing that yes indeed, I DO need others and I DO want love - to give and receive. I'm still working on that part of course. France has taught me a lot ... but maybe it isn't really France that's teaching ... maybe it is just me that is listening and learning, for a change.

I probably haven't come far enough ... and I have a long way to go ... but there it is, one year - a new woman in the making ... hopefully hanging on to the bits and pieces that have made me who I am but (little by little) letting go of those that prevent me from being who I want to be ...

thanks to all of you for coming along for the ride. for your words of encouragement when I've been at low points. for your suggestions when I've been fresh out of ideas. for the laughs you given and shared, and for kindly tolerating the rants and tears.

et depuis et alors. Non, je ne regrette rien ...