(the misadventures of an expatriate corporate dropout)

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

spare some change?

I always thought of myself as a change AGENT. Those with the responsibility of assessing me never failed to include the line "Kim embraces change".

I have a long list of to do's I've created to make this enormous change in life I'm contemplating. Hell, I've been fantasizing about living in France for over 10 years now. I've made and remade that list in my head. And I've made this change 10 times over, also in my head.

It is a little more daunting to take on a change of this proportion for real. Not even really talking about the steps on the list. More about wrapping my head around how it will all be possible. Because, to be honest, the list is really more of the same. More ways for me to stay busy and put off what I am really trying to change.

I'm not just trying to change my address. I'm trying to change myself. And my way of life. Seems that all that fantasizing was mostly about breaking free. For a long time, I've bought in to the American way of life. You know, that driving force for more. More money. More recognition. More responsibility. More success. But on whose terms?

The change I'm hoping for is redefining success. Being brave enough to accept those new definitions. Finding the strength to be still. And rediscover that voice inside I used to have, and listen to it. The one that inspired me to write. To dream bigger dreams.

So what if I'm not completing every task by the date I wrote in the column to the right. So what if my new life project is experiencing "creep". So what if I took a nap today.

I'm learning that change isn't always about doing something. Sometimes it is about doing nothing. Nothing at all.

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